Post by liljuggalette on Jun 21, 2010 23:30:24 GMT -5
Welcome to My Reality
There are things people don’t know. They choose not to see what’s behind these doors that I keep shut tight. The few that do see, don’t really understand who I am and who I choose to be. For I am myself, as I stand alone in the moon light. Crying like a wolf, howling and screaming trying to push the demon from my body as I shutter at what I’ve become. I’ve become something I hate. Even more vicious and deadly then a demon. I suck the life out of myself trying to figure out where I went wrong. I pray to a God that I don’t think is real. I want to scream and cruse at him, “Please, Oh please just save me from this hell. What did I do to deserve such hatred?” Those that loved me and once cared, turned there backs on me. None of this seems real.
Reality is my pain. I suffer when I’m sober, I cry when I’m coming down. I don’t know what more there is to life then drugs and an empty smile. My eyes won’t close they stay open, for I fear what I will see when the darkness floods in me. Will I see her face, and her frown. The only one that loved me and cared without a doubt. Will I ever see her face again other then in my torturous dreams. I see her frown, I feel her tears, I smell her fear, I taste her bitter words on my tounge, “Look Amber, look what you’ve done”.
I’m caught in a world of life or death, there is no balance of love and hate. It’s one for one and an eye for and an eye.
No one can win in such a place, but this place is my reality. It’s the only place that I have to call my home. It’s the only place that I consider my own. No one really wants to take a girl like me in, so rude and disrespectful. I can’t help that I’ve come from a dysfunctional home where all I’ve known is to fight to survive or you deserve to die.
If I could I would trade shoes just to see what its like in someone elses reality, maybe for a moment in time I’d forget and leave my world behind.
There are things people don’t know. They choose not to see what’s behind these doors that I keep shut tight. The few that do see, don’t really understand who I am and who I choose to be. For I am myself, as I stand alone in the moon light. Crying like a wolf, howling and screaming trying to push the demon from my body as I shutter at what I’ve become. I’ve become something I hate. Even more vicious and deadly then a demon. I suck the life out of myself trying to figure out where I went wrong. I pray to a God that I don’t think is real. I want to scream and cruse at him, “Please, Oh please just save me from this hell. What did I do to deserve such hatred?” Those that loved me and once cared, turned there backs on me. None of this seems real.
Reality is my pain. I suffer when I’m sober, I cry when I’m coming down. I don’t know what more there is to life then drugs and an empty smile. My eyes won’t close they stay open, for I fear what I will see when the darkness floods in me. Will I see her face, and her frown. The only one that loved me and cared without a doubt. Will I ever see her face again other then in my torturous dreams. I see her frown, I feel her tears, I smell her fear, I taste her bitter words on my tounge, “Look Amber, look what you’ve done”.
I’m caught in a world of life or death, there is no balance of love and hate. It’s one for one and an eye for and an eye.
No one can win in such a place, but this place is my reality. It’s the only place that I have to call my home. It’s the only place that I consider my own. No one really wants to take a girl like me in, so rude and disrespectful. I can’t help that I’ve come from a dysfunctional home where all I’ve known is to fight to survive or you deserve to die.
If I could I would trade shoes just to see what its like in someone elses reality, maybe for a moment in time I’d forget and leave my world behind.
